Why Didn't I Think of That?!?!

Being a teacher, I've known about the whole "Elf on the Shelf" phenomenon for a few years now. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here: www.elfontheshelf.com. It is crazy! About half of my students have an elf in their home, and Lucy's school classroom has one too. Well, I figured she was too small for one this year, but a LOT of people were trying to change my mind. I'm not one that is easily swayed, but having a two-year-old that needs some positive reinforcement in her world sometimes, I figured we'd give this whole elf thing a go.

Seeing as how life has been a bit nutty lately, I'm sure you're not surprised at me being a day late and a dollar short on this one. You see, we're only 15 days from Christmas (and you're supposed to get your elf out more towards Thanksgiving I guess) and all the stores in town had the stupid things on backorder. THANKFULLY, my mother saved the day (not the first time she's done that lately) and found ONE at a locally owned toy store here in town. Praise the Lord! My kid didn't actually know she was missing out on this, but she was!!!

So I bought our family elf! It was a boy (didn't realize they came as girls-hmmm, maybe a twin for next year???) and he came in a great box kit with a delightful little picture book all about how to care for him. This idea is so stinking cute, and let me tell you, that woman who created it is probably a ZILLIONAIRE by now. WHY THE HECK DID I NOT THINK OF THAT?!?!? Once again, my dreams of being a zillionaire myself are crushed.

Anyway, I got the elf. Now, how to introduce him... A few days ago Lu got a silly band at school. I know I know, they're not for kids under three, but I am pretty sure that she won't strangle herself with one. She's pretty smart. Anyway, it broke and she was DEVASTATED. I am telling you there were MANY HUGE tears and screaming and flailing. It was not pretty. I told her that maybe if she was good and she asked Santa, he might be able to help her out. So she got herself all out of the tizzy she was in and we shouted out a message to old Saint Nick. So I figured when I picked her up yesterday, the elf could be sitting in the car with a package of silly bands waiting for her. GENIUS! She totally freaked out and was THRILLED with the whole deal.

When her dad got home, we read the book as a family and had to name this elf we were now in charge of. Now, I love Italian food, and Lucy does too. When I was pregnant, I sort of was obsessed with the name Giuseppe (if it were to be a boy)-pronounced JA-SEP-PEE for all you non-cultured readers. Bryan did not go for it ONE PERCENT, and I can't really blame him, as it doesn't flow too well with our last name. But again with the loopholes, I figured this elf might be my chance for a Giuseppe!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I threw out other ideas-Einstein, Edison, AND Giuseppe. Which one did she choose (TOTALLY ON HER OWN!)? GIUSEPPE!!!! I have never been more proud!

Now, the idea of this elf is that he (or she) goes back to the North Pole each night (using his or her flying magic) to report to Santa about a child's behavior. He reappears in the morning, but is usually in someplace crazy or up to some kind of mischief. This is all well and good, but creates homework for the parents each night. "What kind of crazy thing can we do with the elf?" is probably being asked millions of times over all around the world (thus making that woman a ZILLIONAIRE!). So last night, after Lucy had been quite good, we said goodnight to Big G and put her to bed. Now, the book states that the kids can't touch the elf or he'll lose his (oops, or her) magic. Thank goodness for this rule because my child would ABSOLUTELY want to sleep with this guy. (She currently sleeps with 5 rather large animals/dolls.) Anyway, great rule, thanks zillionaire woman for thinking that one up.

So last night, Bryan was working on his portfolio for school, and I was wondering what I could do with G. I had a thought and this was it:

Pretty clever and cute, right? Well, after I had that thought, took the picture and headed back upstairs, I pretty much had a small anxiety attack over the mess I had left in my kitchen. I mean, is it good for your countertops to have flour on them all night? Can that seep into them and ruin them? How was I going to clean this in the morning? If you know me, you know the list of irrational worry continued until I had to just clean it up and think of something less chaotic:

My poor child never even saw the mess on the counter. Probably for the best, as I'd hate to give her any ideas... So tonight the journey with G continues. I did print out a list of 101 things to do with your elf. Thank goodness I'm not the one blazing new ground with this little guy. More posts with pictures of our holiday adventures will follow this one I am sure.

As for other things...Bryan will have his exit interview with LMU on MONDAY-WAHOO!!!! He has applied to all the big school systems around, so now we wait. If only I'd invented that stupid elf we could be zillionaires living in the Caribbean! Oh well.

It snowed! It was just for a few minutes this past week, but it snowed! Lucy and I dashed out the front door and played in it. She was quite thrilled to be playing in the first flurries of the season.

She also had a blast with my mom last weekend making her first gingerbread house. It is a real nice piece of work. Nothing compared to the gingerbread house duplex my friend Kendra and I once built, but hey! She's only two. I'll give her time and she'll be giving Frank Lloyd Wright a run for his money (and yes I realize he's dead, but he's the only famous architect I can think of right now).

Other than this being the hardest 3 weeks of the year to be a teacher, we're surviving things ok. Many nights you can hear us belting Christmas songs at the top of our lungs, we're enjoying the decorations being up, and can't wait to see the look on Lucy's face when she sees all that Santa has for her on Christmas morning.

Merry ALMOST Christmas!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...Seattle

I cannot believe it is December. Where did this year go? It is sort of cold here, but raining like CRAZY every week. I'm not talking small rain showers, I'm talking FLOODS for the past two weeks, and this week's forecast is no different. I feel like I live in SEATTLE. UGH. If it is December, and there's precipitation, can it please be snow? And really, I hate cold, so I would actually like a warm 72 degrees.

As you know if you read my last post, the house is decorated. Did that BEFORE Thanksgiving since I found my little loophole this year. And Thanksgiving...that was easy! We literally got a meal from Cracker Barrel and ate in our sweatpants.

Pretty table for such a casual affair, huh? We really were in sweatpants. It was incredible. We actually ended up spending the night at my parents' house (there was a bit o' merriment after several pitchers of sangria...). My mom, the genius she is, got Lucy this cardboard playhouse thingy. You've probably seen them, as they are in all the stores. Anyway, if you need a good 6-8 hour break, just get your kid one. Lucy was entertained ALL DAY LONG and it was MAGICAL. Mommy had lots of wine and was wearing her sweat pants-could life have been better?! Well, perhaps if I'd been on a beach in the Caribbean... but anyway, it ranked way up there.

After all our merriment, we made REAL Christmas cookies with Lucy.

See how proud she was?! We didn't take too many pictures, as there was lots of flour, sprinkles, dough, and well, they didn't look so great. I'm more from the school of "Nestle Tollhouse" where you just open the pack, plop 'em on a pan, and you're done. For some reason my mom and I thought she needed the experience of using real dough and cookie cutters. It was not something I'll do again any time soon.

After cookies were done and we all settled into bed, we woke the day after and went to the Fantasy of Trees. If you aren't from around here, it is a HUGE event that raises money for Children's Hospital (which we have donated to quite a lot this year ourselves:-) Anyway, local businesses, churches, schools, etc. decorate trees and gingerbread houses to be auctioned off. There are TONS of activities for kids to do, including SANTA and a CAROUSEL! Yay for Santa, and the carousel...well, if you've ever read my blogs, you know how this is about to go.

We had fun. Lu did every craft she could. She LOVED Santa! I got some great pictures-it is quite helpful that she's such a diva and loves to "pose." She psychotically loved the pink Christmas tree, and due to that love, she now has a small version of the one we saw in her room. She's quite proud of that too. Her grandmother convinced her to go on the carousel. She made it a half-lap around before the screaming started. After A LOT of coaxing, my genius (different, more sarcastic tone now) mother and I convinced her she was ok. you can't really see the fear in her eyes in the picture, but I assure you, that isn't a smile. SHE HATES THOSE THINGS. WHY DO WE KEEP TRYING?!?!?

After the Fantasy of Trees and our big holiday weekend, we've just been keeping quiet (and trying to stay dry). Nobody is sick, and yes, as I write this I am knocking on wood. Lucy hasn't actually been on antibiotics since her last dose on Halloween. It is unbelievable. That is why I am convinced I'll get a call from her school this week telling me she's barfed. Oh well. It has been a nice few weeks!

I've also found myself a new hobby. Bryan is ALWAYS studying (which I am glad he's doing so well and about to be DONE-YAY!) and mama needs something to do after 7:30 p.m. Yes, I know I could exercise. I do look 4 months pregnant, but in fact, am not. I have been obsessed with banners lately. You might have seen them in magazines, or maybe you have one. If you do, I was very jealous of you. If you have no clue, they look like this:

You can hang them seasonally, and they look great on mantles, on vaulted ceilings that aren't too high, on mirrors, in doorways, the list goes on and on. SO, I've been obsessing about them. I can't find them in stores, so I looked on etsy. If you don't know etsy, wow, it's a bit like pinterest. If you don't know pinterest, sorry, we can't be friends. BOTH VERY ADDICTING. I know ya'll already know we're dirt poor. I can't be buying stuff on etsy!!!! So after hours looking at stuff yesterday, I decided, much like the quotes on canvases, I CAN DO THAT! So, a quick trip to Michael's and I had me some stuff (being careful not to spend more than the cost of one etsy banner mind you). Four hours later, I had me FOUR banners.

They are terribly cute. I am terribly good. Maybe everyone is getting a banner for Christmas-hmm...

Organized Chaos and a Small Loophole

So this past month could be described using any of the following adjectives: insane, chaotic, draining, exhausting, hellacious, wild, shall I keep going???

Things all started when Bryan's 32 year-old heart decided to go into a-fib one night when we were chilling out on the couch. Literally, he was lying there watching t.v. and I think I might have been blogging... Anyway, to make a long story short, after an evening in the ER, several tests (to the tune of about $2000) and a heart monitor later, doctors have determined that there is actually nothing wrong with his heart. Did I mention that I am the ONLY one with a job around here? That extra expense was not needed. Am I glad my husband's heart is fine, yes. Are we even more poor now, double big fat yes. Is he worth every penny, yes, yes, yes! Look at this guy! Captured him in a genuine "moment."

After that little stressful week, we had Halloween. Lucy was of course sick the week before. She had one of her famous "fever viruses" which meant 104 degree fever for over a week. So pleasant. She was also diagnosed with a sinus infection. Antibiotics AGAIN (please be reminded that we had her adenoids out to stop all the sinus infections in August and she has since had 3 infections-oh joy!). She seemed to finally be fever free one Sunday morning, but something was odd. Is a throat full of pus normal? Didn't think so. One very hurried trip to the Sunday "emergency only" pediatrician's office and she'd been diagnosed with the adenovirus (no relation to the adenoids). Pus throat, no appetite, fever, and blah were the symptoms. Lucky for us, the pus-filled throat was the END of the virus. She missed a week of school. Her grandparents and I took turns missing work. Not a great time.

Did I mention that I was in the middle of my evaluation cycle during all this? Not sure if you've heard, but it SUCKS. Read below if you don't believe how incredibly STUPID the process is: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/07/education/tennessees-rules-on-teacher-evaluations-bring-frustration.html?pagewanted=all

Anyway, we survived all that and made it to Halloween weekend. Lucy wanted to be Dorothy from "Wizard of Oz." Not sure why. I was REALLY encouraging her strongly to be this adorable garden gnome:

She wanted nothing to do with that idea. So Dorothy it was! She has NEVER seen the movie, nor will she on my watch. It scares the bejeezus out of me. So, we dressed Dorothy up on Halloween night. It was chilly. Dorothy did not want to be in a sweater, but we gave her no choice. She was geared up and ready! She even practiced her "ARE THOSE FLYING MONKEYS?!" face.

We were just going to go up and down our street, however, Dorothy had other plans. As we got the last house on our street, she says, "I want to go to one more house." We told her to go to the door and we'd go to ONE MORE HOUSE. As she rang the bell and had her basket (with Toto in it) FILLED with candy, she says to us, "I want to go to A LOT more houses!!!" The kid is a huge fan of this "holiday." So much so that she has a fit every afternoon over eating candy. I finally got smart and dumped it all. Told her she ate it all and it was so delicious. I am so screwed when I can't lie to her anymore.

We were enjoying life, and a beautiful fall. We got through Bryan's heart issues, Halloween, and his moving to a new school (Clinton High School) for the remainder of his student teaching this semester. A few little glitches in our world, but we had recovered nicely from it all. We'd gone to the park some, spent good family time together, and we were all HEALTHY!!!

Then came last Friday. My in-laws were coming for the long weekend (Veteran's Day) instead of Thanksgiving. We were going to spend 4 days with them hanging out, doing a few projects around the house, and getting some much needed time shopping too! So Friday rolled around and Lucy and I were preparing dinner. Bryan had just lit the grill, and we were expecting Herb and Susan at any moment. The phone rings, Bryan answers, and then life got really nuts.

H&S had been in a terrible car accident about 4 miles from our house. Some nice lady had seen them run off the road and HIT A TREE. She got to them, but couldn't get them out of the car, as they were quite pinned in. She called us and Bryan was out the door. After many phone calls and worry, Bryan informed me that his dad had been removed via the jaws of life and was on his way to UT medical center with some pretty bad injuries. Susan was going to another hospital, and I was at home with Lucy, grill flaming.

I doused the grill, pulled dinner out of the oven and waited. I decided to call my parents to see if they could keep Lucy while I went to the hospital to be with Susan. Well, it came as quite a shock to me to find out my mom and dad were already AT the hospital. My mom had apparently been having some heart palpitations for a few weeks, but had some major ones and felt "not right" earlier in the day. Dad decided they needed to go to the ER. OH. NICE.

So, my help was out. I had to just chill and try to decided what the heck to do with ALL PARENTS incapacitated. Husband at one hospital, all other parents at the other. Me with a 2 year-old. Finally after a few hours, they released my mom from the hospital. A million tests later, her heart was still screwing up, but they didn't know why. They doubled her regular heart meds, sent her home on bedrest, and told her to follow-up with a cardiologist. I realize I am not a doctor, but REALLY?! Send her home with her heart still going nuts?!?!? I was not pleased. I got a call that they had seen my mother-in-law, and she was doing ok (what divine providence that they took her to the same hospital my parents were at!) and waiting on x-rays. We still had no idea the condition of Bryan's dad, except that he was in SERIOUS pain. Bryan was with him though, and they doctors were trying to get him stable.

I took Lucy and got my mom at the hospital. My dad stayed with Susan. We weren't sure if she'd need to be kept overnight. I got mom settled at home, and Lucy in bed. Susan and my dad showed up a bit later with GREAT news that she had no breaks, just some bruises! "Ok," I told myself, "things are nuts, but that is SOME good news. BREATHE." Later that night, we found out that Herb had a punctured lung, and several broken ribs-thus all the pain. The pain meds they were giving him at the hospital were making him violently ill though. Can you imagine all those injuries and on top of it all puking your guts out? POOR MAN! Bryan stayed with him all night. Bryan also talked to the police, figured out where the car was, AND went to the car in the middle of the night to retrieve all his parents' possessions, registration, meds, etc. You could say it was a LOOOOONG night. I stayed at my parents house with mom, dad, Lucy, and Susan. Quite a slumber party, and a bit of "organized" chaos.

After many trips back and forth to UT hospital, Herb finally go to come home on Sunday afternoon. He was banged up, on lots of pain meds, but so glad to be at a HOME. We spent the week in a nice fog. I was (and still am) worried about my mom, and we were busy taking care of the other set of parents-trying to make sure they were comfortable, relaxed, and ok with being stranded 500 miles from home. Here are the cutie pies all rested up:

Lucy of course kept them quite entertained. You know Lucy, our resident surgeon/ballerina/cheerleader/cowgirl. Why make her choose a career path now, right?

Leah came up and took our stranded house guests half-way home yesterday. Thanks to some sweet family friends who met them in Birmingham, they got home about 6 last night. We LOVED having them here, but I think they were ready to get home. I cannot imagine being stranded somewhere and being sick and injured. NOT FUN. I think they were very good sports about it all. Now they get to look forward to buying a new car! They'll be back at Christmas, this time I bet they'll be real careful around mile 496 of 500.

OH! Did I mention I woke on Thursday and was unable to stand? YEP! The hits just kept on coming. I had vertigo so incredibly bad!!! Bryan made me call in to work, and he did as well. He drove me to the doctor to find out two things: 1. My blood pressure was a bit high and 2. I had tons of fluid behind my ear. The doc put me on something that knocked me out along with a bit of Zyrtec (God's nectar for allergy sufferers) . While I was there, they tried to give me a flu shot. HA! I DO NOT DO SHOTS (I did however do the flu last year and it wasn't 1% fun), so I asked for the mist. I should interject here that my husband, trying to show me how tough he was, got the shot. Yep, right there in front of me. Didn't he know I could've passed out?! Or barfed?! Or both (per my usual). Nope, he just HAD to show off. Anyway, they were so kind to give me the mist. You know, the mist. What they give small children who are afraid of shots. Yep, I got the mist. The problem with the mist is that it is live. It kind of sort of gives you some flu-like symptoms. No worries, nothing a little Afrin and some advil cold and flu can't fix!

When all calmed down, and our house was quiet again, I disturbed the balance by decorating for Christmas. Yep, exhausted me ALREADY decorated for Christmas!!!!! Bryan of course thought it would've been a good idea for me to chill, but NOPE! I needed some more organized chaos. You see, we are pretty much skipping our usual Thanksgiving soiree this year, and the rule is I can't put Christmas up until T'giving is over. But HA! I found the loophole! No Thanksgiving at our house=I CAN put up the decorations NOW!!!! HE HE HE HE!!!!!! So, as you can see, I'm done!

We also managed to have a little birthday celebration for my mom on Saturday night. Heart monitor and all, we partied like senior citizens!

Lucy and I also had some time in between all the insanity to make Christmas gifts for the grandparents. She LOVED being in the middle of my paints and canvases. To her, it was BIG TIME! We had a blast, and the canvases turned out to be soooooooo cute!

After all that craziness, we're sort of back to normal now. This afternoon we went to the zoo, had a quiet dinner, and Lucy got to bed on time. Should I knock on some wood????

Raising a Toddler

1. DON'T ask, "Why did you do that?" Why did you bite that boy? Why did you hit your sister? Why is there spaghetti in your ear? Why am I asking you a question you can't possibly answer in any way that will make me feel better? Oh yes, because it's easier than accepting the idea that I am in charge of a tiny lunatic.

2. DON'T be surprised by the number of things that can end up in your toilet. This includes shoes, spatulas, cell phones, small animals, keys, and a whole eggplant that looks an awful lot like a human head to your middle-of-the-night eyes.

3. DON'T be surprised by the number of things that can NOT end up in your toilet.Number two, for example, can occasionally end up in your purse.

4. DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed. DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed

5. DON'T over-explain adult situations. "Sorry, honey. Mommy is just in a bad mood because she doesn't understand why she chose to make a living on the Internets. And taking out a second mortgage to fund your preschool appears not to have been the prudent thing to do. And wow, your sitter is expensive! That noise? Oh, that's just Daddy weeping through the wall."

6. DON'T say, "Let's wash your hair!" This is akin to saying, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball." If you really feel like you have to warn your toddler about the upcoming sudsing, consider something relatively benign and tangentially related, like, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball."

7. DON'T wear a short skirt to a toddler birthday party. You know that fantasy you have about being unintentionally violated by giddy elves? Yeah, me neither.

8. DON'T let a boy shorter than the toilet try to pee standing up. Too late for that? Try not yelling helpful tips like, "Point your penis up!" Too late for that? Wipe your chin.

9. DON'T ask if your toddler if he wants to do something you need him to do. This includes Do You Want To Wear A Jacket? Do You Want To Eat Something? Do You Want To Hug Grandma? Do You Want To Wash Your Hair? and Do You Want to Keep Me From Running Out The Door To Jamaica?

10. DON'T try to catch vomit in your hands. A) It doesn't work. B) You don't get points for trying. C) You get vomit in your hands.


(borrowed, but couldn't help but share!)

A Month in Pictures (and a few side notes from me)

I cannot believe we are already in mid-ish October.  Where in the heck is the fall going?!  It has been such a stressful beginning to the school year.  The new evaluation system has morale REALLY low in the schools.  Things just aren't as enjoyable as they used to be.  Plus, it has been a little hard for me to have a new bunch of kiddos after 2 years with my last class.  Anyway, I'm trying to stay positive and get through all the muck that is staring me in the face.  It is hard to be peppy and happy.

Bryan, who is VERY jazzed up about teaching, is staying positive though.  He was never a part of the field of education before now, so I guess he has never know the "other side" of things.  Anyway, in almost 12 years together, I have NEVER, EVER seen my hubby so happy.  I am THRILLED he loves teaching so much.  

Our schedule is pretty crazy these days.  We spend all the time we can with Lucy in the afternoons and evenings, but after she goes to bed, we're both working (although, I do take the occasional evening to watch some trashy show on t.v.-WAHOO for the KARDASHIAN WEDDING!).  We do try to make the most of our weekends, and have had some great times.

Thanks to Mimi for the duck costume.  Lucy has worn it well.  I thought we were going to get away with a FREE Halloween costume, but no luck.  Lu is now making us call her DOROTHY (yes, from that horrific movie "The Wizard of Oz") and we have now (by we I mean my mom) purchased a Dorothy costume.  So actually reading this I realize I am NOT actually out any money-sweet!  Gotta love some Grandparents!

We're of course always dressing Lucy in her appropriate FALL IN TENNESSEE ON A SATURDAY garb.  She now knows how to sing "Rocky Top" and will shout, "GOOOOOO VOLS!" when prompted.  LOVE IT!

We're also helping Lucy tap into her inner cowgirl.  I mean, don't all cowgirls wear pink boots and no pants?  Please note my husband CRACKING up in the background.  We seriously couldn't get her to wear pants this day.  And our new motto around the house is, "Don't Poke the Bear."  So she wore no pants.  No harm, no foul.

A few weekends ago, Ripley's Aquarium of the Smokies gave TEACHERS and their families FREE ADMISSION!  FREE people!  FREE!  That is like, well, MONEY around here!  So of course, we loaded up and drove to the mountains.   Bryan and I both love aquariums, and had high hopes for Lucy enjoying it too.  She really dug the large pumpkin decorations outside the place.  She actually sort of cooperated for a RARE picture of us together too!

Thanks to my amazing camera, I got some great shots.  

Lucy was quite fond of the penguins (I was too really.  They were CUUUUUTE!), and she made it about 45 minutes before she said her typical, "I'm all done."  Her FAVORITE part of the aquarium though...the person dressed as a pink shark (although she called it a dinosaur for some reason-too much Barney perhaps?).  Good thing this gig was free.  Perhaps in a few years she will appreciate the wildlife a bit more.  Oh well!  Please note that her DAD is with her and the strange person who agreed to dress like an idiot for the day, as I am still terrified of people in large headed costumes.

That same weekend, my roomie from college, Deborah (a.k.a Debster) and her husband Mark came to visit for a few days.  They were on a nice little road trip back to FL after Mark's med school rotations.  We had a BLAST, except I have NO pictures to prove that.  I cannot believe I didn't snap ONE PHOTO!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

And perhaps the biggest news of all around here is that Lucy went on her first field trip this week!  How is this happening?!?!?  She is only 2 and a half!  Her little class at school (the NEW, GOOD class) went to the Pumpkin Patch.  I (being the paranoid person that I am) made my mom go with her (and really there was no arm twisting involved).  I was a bit nervous about my BABY being on a bus (yes, with her carseat) and then out in a pumpkin patch with no parent or grandparent with her.  It was the first time I realized how my own class of kids' parents must feel when we go on a field trip.  Kind of nerve racking!  Anyway, Lucy was so excited about riding on the bus and going on a trip with her little "PS1" class.  See exhibit 1 below:

Mom said Lucy was very well behaved and had a great time.  They went in a corn maze (she seemed a bit unsure of this-exhibit 2 below).

They saw some scarecrows, went on a hay ride, and of course picked a pumpkin!

Last but not least, the princess has been spending some time practicing being terribly cute.  Her moods still swing, her fuse is still short, but what a doll!